Almost no fooling...

Oldest daughter called me on April 1st and said that the university newspaper had reported that the school had bought a whole bunch of FEMA trailers and were going to put all the juniors in the trailers up in the Hilltop parking lot. Hmm... how are they going to do that? How will they get electricity? Where will they move the cars?
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Yes, it was an April Fools' edition. And what am I doing? I'm trying to figure out the logistics... LOL!
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Somehow I survived the week. Problems with my dearest aunt-in-law are escalating, so that's now moving to a front burner. I'll call Elderly Outreach again starting tomorrow and beg if I have to in order to get some help with that situation. I feel bad for Mark because I've been making him answer the phone... er, most of the time. In the past, I'd intercepted most of the calls and dealt with whatever cropped up. In essence, I was trying to save him from the worst of it. But that wasn't a good idea because now he truly sees what I've been seeing for the past year or so.
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Just a quick example is that she called last week because she thought she saw sparks and flames when she started her car. (We know now that she hasn't been driving much because her odometer has only logged 400 miles in the last year.) anyway, the battery was dead. So Mark and I went over, he jumpstarted the car and asked if he could take it for a few days to drive it to make sure everything is okay. Yes, everything is fine. I think it's because all of the indicator lights light up when you initially start the car and she doesn't understand and thinks they're sparks and flames jumping out from the dashboard. So Mark drove the car home and this is when we discovered that she's only driven approx 400 miles in a year. That was last Sunday.
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She called us Friday, worried because her car was gone. She did ask if Mark had taken her car, but she was worried because it was gone. It wasn't in her garage and it wasn't parked in front. And she was out of cigarettes. (Don't even go there because the one thing I do know is that she's never smoked in her bedroom or in bed. For 20 years, she either stands at her kitchen counter or sits at her kitchen table while smoking.) So Mark took her some cigarettes and, yes, he has her car. Then she called yesterday because she's in trouble with the Dept of Motor Vehicles. She'd received a notice that her emissions was expired and they'd taken her car. No, another reason Mark took her car is because he has an appt on Tuesday to take it through emissions for her. They didn't take her car. We did so we could take care of this. Then she called again because she's out of bread. Twice, she called about this one. So he called and asked her if she needed bread, though he'd been to her house the night before. No, that's okay, she could wait because of the terrible storm outside.
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You have to understand that she was almost hit by lightning as a child, so she's always been terrified. Yes, we'd had some thunder earlier in the evening. I imagine she'd closed all of her blinds so she wouldn't be scared by the lightning and still thought the storm was raging (though, in reality, it was periods of light rain and I only saw one flash of lightning and a few rolls of thunder). So that could wait until today.
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Well, speaking of our dear Aunt, she just called. She's out of coffee and really cranky because she hasn't had any coffee yet.
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Poor Mark is in the shower. No, he can't deal with the daily problems. We're going to have to fix this and get some help. So I'll start calling again tomorrow. Six months ago, I was dealing with this by myself and Mark wasn't exactly supportive because he didn't see the extent. Well, it's gotten a LOT worse than it was six months ago, but at least he's going to work with me to get dear Aunt the help she needs.
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The funny part about this whole thing is that my mother-in-law is actually the perfect person for this type of thing. She really is terrific. When dealing with someone who's not exactly firing with all pistons, my MIL can have the patience of Job. She works with a woman right now who's in the same kind of circumstance that dear Aunt is and my MIL deserves a medal for the way she can gently nudge her patient in the right direction. The problem is that dear Aunt and MIL don't get along. Dear Aunt has the funds to pay MIL to come in a few hours a day and do things like the laundry and shopping and make sure she eats at least one hot meal a day. And MIL would be wonderful at it. But they would be like putting a match and flame too close together.
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Oh dear. I feel really bad for Mark, but he needed to be driven to the edge before he'll let me see that things are done that need doing.
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Okay, that all said. I've started my EZ Scandinavian design. I received my yarn from Knit Picks and it's going to work really really well. But I also received the new Vogue Knitting. A couple of their tank top designs are really pretty. I'm actually feeling a new surge of creativity in a different direction. I'm thinking of KP's Cotlin in a few tanks for spring and summer. Two of the designs in their metallic section are wonderful. (I'm thinking the short sleeve with the cowl that's knitted top down. Wow! What a truly gorgeous design.) But no way am I thinking in terms of metallic. I'm thinking cotton or linen or silk or some combination of the three. Simple classic designs with small details that truly set them apart.
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So I imagine my next purchase will be some Cotlin for one of them. Yes, I even like the new Nora Gaughan design. Done in Cotlin in that new pale salmon color? Wouldn't that be really pretty on a hot summer day once I get working on my summer tan? I'm thinking the 4th of July fireworks over in Hamden. Oh yeah, this would be the perfect tank to wear to an event like that.
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And I wonder if I have enough time for the capped-sleeved cowl for the basketball banquet next month? I'm not sure I could finish it in time, but that would certainly be lovely in a two-tone natural cotton or cotlin over a plain pair of black pants.
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Okay, off to shower and make some phone calls. Be ready once Dee wakes up so I can get some pics of all my lovely sweaters out in the bright sunshine. It's either that or I'm going to be tempted to run outside and start my spring clean-up of the yard. I have lots of raking and plants that need their spring cutbacks. Hmm.... choices, choices. Don't you just love a world with choices?
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Have a wonderful week and I'll be back with pics. (If I'm really talented, I'll get the pics, upload and just edit this post to add them in, but it remains to be seen if I'm actually that knowledgable... LOL!)

Moving on....

Yes, it's done. I actually cast off the final stitches on the newest Dale of Norway Albertville colorway around the end of February, but then I had do all the finishing work... Sewing the edges before cutting, then picking up for the neck and knitting the neckband, tacking that baby down, then sewing in the sleeves. You know, all that detail work that I SOOOOO try to avoid doing... LOL!

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I really do have to take both sweaters outside (the white and the red) so you can get a true sense of the colors, but it's after dark now and I simply couldn't wait any longer. I'd hoped to get this update done this past weekend, but I was busy cleaning instead. Now, yes, normally that's another subject I avoid like the Black Plague, but when a great friend comes over and offers to help, you pick up the cleaning clothes and go to town. What she and I accomplished through teamwork in three hours would have taken me a week.

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Anyway, so here's another view. I did get it all put together and then I spent Sunday washing all my sweaters and I tried hanging them on the fence to dry. Needless to say, I didn't get them out there soon enough. They were still damp, so I grabbed the old stackable sweater dryers and laid them out in the basement. Give them a day or two (and keep the durned door closed extra tight so the cats don't think I've spent all that time knitting them a new bed) and...

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Whallah!!!

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But, of course, that's not the end of it. There's always another picture that can be posted..........

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Yes, I do have an upclose and personal of the neck. I do think this one turned out even better than the white one. On the white, I followed the DoN directions and cast off for the neck stitches and then went back later and picked them up for the neckband. But there were some really odd jogs in how they cast off, so there's one place right on the front of the neckband that I was NOT happy about. No, no one else has noticed or they haven't commented, but I'm not happy and I knit for myself, right?

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So I did this one different. Similiar to how Philosopher's Wool do their sweaters, I knit the body right on up to the shoulders, casting off nothing for the neck, but I did place markers along the lines where they wanted me to do the casting off. Then, once the body was all knitted and nice right up to the last row, I sewed a seam around those markers for the neckline, picked up stitches outside that machine-sewed seam and knit the neckband, then cut away all excess from inside the seams. I tacked down the neckband stitches without casting off (stitching down "live" stitches) and I'm much happier with how this turned out.

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I didn't run out and buy yarn to start Barcelona. Because it was the end of the month and money wasn't exactly flowing (hmmm..... mortgage or yarn? Choices, choices... LOL!), I ran over to Michaels and found Patons 100% wool on sale for $4.00 a 100 gram skein. Ten skeins in the basket and I had an idea that was floating around. Very simple. Very plain. I think I wrote about this in my last post where I was going to try an Aran design and even got about 20 rows into the design, but then frogged the whole thing. I hated it. So I'm doing a very simple pattern based on 3 stitches. k2tog, yo, k1. That's it. That's all there is. But the pattern is based around the Fibbonucci sequence where the plain rows in-between grow in number.

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I actually kind of like this one. It's a very quick knit in worsted weight yarn and I'm trying some other new stuff. I think I'm going to try a boatneck as opposed to the typical ribbed and rounded neck. I just finished the body today and cast off the neckline stitches. I'm going to wait to do a 3-needle bindoff on the shoulders until after I've sewn the seams for cutting the armholes. Then I'll do a 3-needle bindoff and see if the neckline works. I did add a few shortrows along the back of the sweater because I hate to see a boatneck that rides low along the shoulders in the back. I don't want it really high in front, but I don't want it riding low in back either. So I'm hoping that adding shortrows near the end and just in the middle where I cast off for the neck should help shape along that neck curve.

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Also, at that point, I'll be able to see if I want to add something besides a simple cast off edge. If it looks too unfinished, I might just add a single crochet along the neck for stability, but I won't know until I get to that point.

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For my birthday, Mom bought me a copy of Meg Swanson's "A Gathering of Lace" and EZ's "The Opinionated Knitter". It's this second book that I'm going to use for my next sweater. I ordered a whole bunch of yarn today from KnitPicks. Wool of the Andes, worsted weight. 7 skeins of Bare and 14 skeins of Jalapeno. I'm going to take her ideas from her second newsletter and do a colorwork, but somewhat simple design. I figure use the Bare for the background and just play with a whole variety of stitch patterns from EZ's 2nd and 3rd newsletters. Two or three rows of plain stockinette in Bare between each pattern and that's it. Try to vary the size of the designs from tall to short, wide to narrow, small to large. See how many I can incorporate into one garment should be a challenge in itself. The ribbing will be done in Bare, but I'm going to do a two-color cast-on so the actual edge will be in the Jalapeno, which will tie the ribbing into the rest of the sweater.

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I have no clue what I'll do for the neck yet. I'll figure that out when I get there... LOL!

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Let's see.... in other areas of my life... I'm still talking with insurance companies. Lots of rhetoric which I think will mean we'll get screwed in the end. (Gee, there's a surprise! /g/) As I've already said, I've begun the spring housecleaning and getting things in order. I still have some other issues on my plate that I haven't been able to clear yet (a very dear aunt-in-law who's suffering dementia and the dental work continues, though that should be done in another two appointments... yeah!!!!) and, of course, the two jobs. But I just keep knitting and I keep working my way through things as they come up. Some days I feel like I'm making lists to remember which list of "to do things" are more important, but at least the lists are beginning to get smaller as I'm actually able to cross stuff off.

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I still have my anti-anxiety medication, but I'm now finding that I have good days and bad days. On the good days, I only need to take the meds a few times. On the bad days, I need it like clockwork. But the good days are happening more often and that's what's important. The other thing I did was cut my dosage in half again. The original dosage was 1 mg. That made me nervous, so I cut that in half right from the get-go and only took 0.5 mg. Now I can cut those pills in half and do well with 0.25 mg at a time. The prescription was designed for a 30-day supply. I'm already at 50 days and doing well. Getting low, but I still have at least another 5 days or so before I have to worry about running out.

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Course, the whole purpose of this is to simply deal with all those things that have been on my plate. Like any normal human being, I'd much rather run off into the sunset and forget responsibility for things like insurance companies and elderly services. Unfortunately, I'm not made that way. I wish I could be like some people and simply ignore the things I don't want to deal with, hoping they'll disappear if I just don't look. But I wasn't raised that way and it's simply not in my nature. Hence the panic attacks. So, the only way to make the panic disappear is to deal with the nasties. One day at a time. One step at a time. I time it so phone calls are made after I've taken my meds and can deal with whatever crops up without needing to step outside and scream like a raving lunatic.... /wry g/
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But, rather than scare the bejesus out of the poor students who have to catch the bus near my booth, I knit like a maniac instead. I'm on the last sleeve of my third sweater since the beginning of the year and two of those were DoN patterns. It's almost funny but Mom and I were sniping at each other at work the other night. She admitted that she's jealous sometimes because I get 8 hours a day for 32 weeks every year to do nothing but knit. Me? I'm jealous of the fact that she only has one job and her hours are her own. She can be as flexible as she wants while I'm stuck in a booth, trapped in my little glass and aluminum cage. I never imagined that someone would be jealous of the fact that I sit and knit all day. But I'm sure she's not alone. OTOH, just remember that unless you've been stuck in that cage for three years, it's not quite all it's cracked up to be. Yes, 3 sweaters in 3 months. I'll definitely have sweaters to show for it. And I certainly think I'll have no problem finishing another one (or two) before I'm off for the summer. But it's another thing when you have tons of other things you've got waiting for you once you step outside again.

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As Atticus Finch said in "To Kill A Mockingbird" (yes, read my profile, it's one of my all-time fave movies).... You never really know a man until you've stepped into his shoes and walked around a while. I never, in my wildest imaginings, figured someone could be jealous of my life. If that ain't a pisser, I don't know what is...

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LOL!

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Keep your fingers crossed for sunny days this weekend. Dee has promised to help me get full sun pics of my sweaters. And, if I keep my little fingers flying, I just might have the latest off the needles by then also. I can pretty much guarantee it won't be washed and blocked, but it just might be done.

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Oh, and before I forget, please, please, if you're looking for some wonderful soothing music for your ears... Please download Marc Enfroy's Unbounded from iTunes. David Reidy had played a tune or two of his on his Sticks & String podcast and I downloaded the whole thing. Wow!!!! His piece called On To Forever is simply one of the prettiest instrumentals I've ever heard in my life. Every track is like listening to nirvana, but that one is simply heavenly. Definitely support his music. I'm hoping for a new album soon.

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Seriously, I'm saying tata. I'll try to be back this weekend.

Red Albertville Almost Completed

Let's start with the close-up of the big pattern. I think it really came out well. I knew in my heart that the tangelo would work with the red, but I'm not that thrilled with the "brown". Knitpicks doesn't offer as much color variety in their Telemark yarn as they do in their Palette line, so I didn't have much choice in the brown. This one is called "chestnut", but the orange and red make it look a bit more grey than I'd have liked. I'd wanted a rich, deep, chocolately brown. This one is more of an ash brown. But, what the heck.... It worked overall.

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The important point was not to destroy the beautiful variation in the kettle-dye of the red and that worked beautifully. Now, here's the photo of the body with the sleeves kind of set in place, though I haven't finished the project yet. Mom wants to watch me actually steek this thing, so it's a matter of us getting together for me to be able to finish it.

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Also, note that the body sort of bows at the solid middle. This is where there were no colors being carried in the background, but that should smooth out once I get the thing finished and blocked. Another note, which is really hard to see is there are markers along the neckline.

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Unlike the last sweater where I followed the directions from Dale and cast off stitches for the neckline in both the front and back, I just knit this sucker all the way to the top. I put in stitch markers where I want the neck to be, but I'm going to steek this also. I knit the body all the way to the top. (Follow me here with the line of thinking... /g/) I began and ended rows over at one of the side seams, so I purled the last row across the front half of the first shoulder, I cast off the stitches for the neck (making sure that I had the same number of stitches for each shoulder and both the front and back neck), then I purled across the entire second shoulder, cast off the stitches for the back neck and then purled across the back half of the first shoulder side. Follow that one? Okay, then I simply did a 3-needle bind-off across the first shoulder, broke the yarn and then did a 3-needle bind-off on the second shoulder.

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Sewing the steek seams will be a little trying right up at those closed shoulder seams, but it's doable. But, before I put the sewing machine away, I'll baste a quick contrasting color along where I want to place the neckband. Then I'll sew my two seams long that line, pick up my stitches for the neckband, knit those, cast off and then cut out all the excess material inside the machine sewed seams. Sew down the neck facing over that cutaway seam so it's nice and tidy and then I'll cut open the steeks for the sleeves, sew them in, sew down the facings and I'll be ready to wash and block.

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Easy as pie. Very simple to do. Now, the reason that I purl the last row up at the shoulders is because it adds to the 3-needle bind-off "design" element. You get the purl bumps on the last row on each side of the seam and then the bumps from the seam itself. I prefer this rather than leaving just the seam. Then it sort of stands out as a singular feature rather than blending over a couple rows. I like the 3-needle bind-off because it adds stability for the one seam that will really carry the weight of the sweater. Think of it. A drop-shoulder sweater really hangs from the shoulder seams. Yes, I could graft and Kitchener the seam for a seamless look, but you've got all the weight on that one area. So the 3-needle bind-off adds a bit of strength to take the wear and tear of several years of the sweater weight hanging on those two seams.

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And I have to admit that this one worked up REALLY quickly. I cast on for the ribbing on Feb 4th and cast off the last sleeve on Feb 27th. First is because I'd just worked this pattern, so I was a lot more familiar with the graphs and how the whole thing came together. Second is testament to just how much time I have at my job to knit. I probably still have well over 100 hours invested, but that's how little I have to do at my actual job. Everyone on campus calls my post "the country club", but I tell them to come try and deal with the boredom. If I weren't a knitter, I swear I would have quit three years ago when they first moved me there. Either that or I'd do all my sleeping while at work and spend a lot more time at home cleaning... LOL!

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Other news is that Mama Bear is ready to come out of hibernation. I accomplished two very important tasks this week. I filed our tax return. A job I always dread because every year we seem to get back less and less. In fact, this year, when I saw that our return was less than half of what we'd gotten last year, I made a trip over to H&R Block to see if they could find out why. Maybe I forgot something? Well, at the end of the tax session, they had even less than I did for a return. So I thanked them profusely for their time and filed my own return rather than lose yet another $1000. The lady figures I must have added something that shouldn't be there, but I think it's more that I probably forgot to give her some number that I'd added to my own return. Either way, I could pay them $187 to file a return for a $389 rebate or I could file my own return for $23 and get a $1289 rebate. Hmm.... choices, choices... NOT! /g/

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The other thing I accomplished was to get the final letter off to insurance companies. Geez... will this accident stuff never end? I responded with what I feel is a fair offer to both. I received a phone call the other day regarding the first letter I sent. I tried to call back, but it looks like we're going to play phone tag. I'll try again tomorrow and see what happens.

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I think I've said before that I did try to hire an attorney to handle this part for us, but would you believe that I couldn't get an attorney to return my phone call? So I finally just up and handled it myself. I'm not a lawyer. I have no legal expertise at all. But I do have a working brain with brain cells that actually function. I'm willing to talk. I might even be willing to negotiate. But only to a degree. My daughter is still having visual problems and Mama Bear is going to protect the interest of her oldest young'un.

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Okay, that's said. I have a new sweater on the needles. I'm sort of making this up as I go. I found some 100% Patons wool on sale at Michaels. (We need to save wherever possible because Hubby is being furloughed at work and we're currently losing approximately $600 a month in income. Yes, I should be forgetting about buying yarn, but knitting is my sanity so it's most definitely not considered a luxury or entertainment item in our budget. It's as necessary as oil for heat... LOL!) Anyway, I swatched for gauge and I'm doing a very basic pullover using the Fibbonucci (sp?) sequence. I knit 3" of ribbing, then knit one row stockinette, then inserted a basic pattern of *k2tog, yo, k1*. Then I knit 2 rows of st st, pattern row. 3 (1 + 2) rows of st st, pattern row. 5 (2 + 3) rows of st st, pattern row. 8 (3 + 5) rows of st st, pattern row. See how the sequence adds? You keep increasing the number by adding together the last two numbers so the pattern rows will grow further and further apart.

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I knit one sleeve first because I wanted to get an idea of how wide it was. Yes, another drop-shouldered sweater where I'll steek both the neck and sleeves like I've done with the DoN patterns. But, and here's where it gets tricky, I've kept the pattern rows all the way around the sweater. But I don't want to sew in a sleeve onto a section with a pattern "hole". So, once I reach the point where the sleeves will join, I'm going to keep 3-4 stitches on each side of the side seam in plain st st. IOW, suspend the pattern for those stitches where I'll later cut open for the steeks. This way, I have a nice smooth line at the sleeve openings when I later sew in the sleeves. I won't know about the neck opening until I get that far, but I'd also prefer not to have to pick up neck stitches through this patterned row, but I'll see when I get that far.

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I sure hope all of this is making sense or I might as well be talking to myself. Course, I do that a lot anyway, so no one should be surprised.

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This week I'm off. Spring Break for the kids at college. I'm going away for a few days to a gorgeous inn in Northwest CT. Mom is treating me for my birthday and I'm going to bring my wheel. I have 3 lbs of BFL to make into yarn for another sweater, so I have tons of spinning to do. Think of it. A canopied bed. A fireplace in the sitting area where I can sit and spin by the hour. A DVD player so we can bring lots of old movies to sit and enjoy. Two days of no chores, no expectations, no schedule. Just relaxation, old movies and my wheel. I haven't done this in... well, like forever. I think the last time I took time just to sit and relax was our first trip to Indiana in 1996. It was Sunday morning and I looked at the DH and said, "I'll be back". I took the car, drove to a local McDonald's and had breakfast alone. I sat there for almost an hour and a half and just worked on my laptop. (I wrote a quick story that later netted me $800. A very nice boon... LOL!)

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Today is laundry, making a list of what I need to pack and, hopefully, get the alpaca off my bobbin so I can take the BFL with me when I leave on Tuesday. I'm not sure I'll actually get it off the bobbin, because I need a second bobbin spun up to ply it with. But at least get this one spun up so I can leave with a fresh new bobbin to spin with.

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Have a wonderful week!! Drop me a note either here or over at bonneewolf@yahoo.com I still wonder if people actually read this. Probably not many because I'm SO bad at adding pictures to explain what I'm talking about in my knitting. Maybe I'll add that to my list of "to do" this year... Be better at pictures. It's a goal and goals are good things to keep us aspiring to be better people.

Almost Done!

Yup, I'm almost done with my Albertville Olympic sweater. 98% of the knitting is done. The body and the sleeves. I spent yesterday with the pieces and did my machine sewing along my side seams so I could cut them open and insert my sleeves. Both sleeves have been sewn in and one of the facings was tacked down. Today's project is to tack down the facing on the other sleeve and then pick up the stitches for the neckband. Once that's knit and sewn down, then I can wash and block the sweater and it'll be ready for wearing.~

I'm really pleased with how well this sweater turned out. I always knew the colors would work. I just never expected it to work so well.... And I really apologize because you can't tell from this picture just how well they do work. (Refer to pics from last post.) Once the whole process is done and the sweater has been washed and blocked, I'll take it outside on a sunny day and do my hang-it-on-the-fence thing so you can really see how the colors blend.~

Maybe I'll even model it so we can find out how well it fits. I think it will all be fine, but you never know until all the work is done and you actually try to fit lumpy body into gorgeous sweater.~

Anyway, the reason I'm posting so close to the end is because I wanted everyone to see how much I like this sweater. Enough that I've already begun my next. It's easy enough to carry the knitting to work, but that's not a place where I can do the finishing things like steeking and sewing. For economical reasons that I'll get into a bit later, I decided to make this pattern again.~

As you can see, the base pattern is the same. But I'm changing the emphasis of the colors and I'm going to make a few other adjustments. Last spring while perusing my favorite local yarn store, I'd found some Araucania Nature Wool on a "discontinued" table. 6 skeins of this gorgeous kettle-dyed red (see the variation in the color?) and 2 skeins of a beautiful creamy white that would go with everything and anything. So I bought it all. 8 skeins for half price. Can't beat that. But what to do? I really didn't have enough to make a whole sweater... Well, I'm sure I could if I don't mind having a loose knit. But I like a fairly firm fabric. I live in Connecticut. We don't do mild winters where loose knitting is an option.~

So I held on, knowing that something would come along. And I fell in love with the Albertville Olympic pattern from above. So I thought, what if the red became the base color? You'd see that variation from the kettle-dyed process and now I'd just have to add accents. Well, the creamy white will be the main contrasting color (obviously). The red hints towards a brick red, not a bluish red. So I chose tangelo and chestnut from KnitPicks' Telemark, which is the yarn I used to knit the first Albertville sweater. It's very close in weight. A slight difference, but workable. So the color change will go from red being the main, to the orange to the brown in the center of the design, back to orange and back to red.~

The other thing I'm going to do to highlight this beautiful variation is eliminate the X's and O's from the center of the body and sleeves. What Dale calls their "main pattern" for the center section. This sweater will have that big pattern at the bottom, again at the top and then the border at the top of the shoulders and sleeves. No pattern connecting top to bottom. Just 5" or 6" of straight stockinette to showcase the beauty of the red variation. Again, it's something in my head. I'm pretty sure it will work. But you never know until you've got the whole thing done.~

If you look back at the first sweater, you'll see that the border at the top of the body and sleeves used red as a base. The pattern wanted me to repeat the light blue as a base for that border pattern, but there were two reasons I opted out. First is that the light blue was a heathered yarn. And the weight really varied from the rest of the Telemark yarns I'd bought. If you look closely at the first pattern at the bottom of the sweater, you can see that it pulls in slightly. Like an idiot, I wasn't paying attention as much as I should. I'm hoping I can block that out, at least enough so it's not as noticeable. So I didn't want the thickness to be a factor while knitting around the shoulders. Second is I didn't want to overwhelm the sweater with so much darn blue. I've got dark blue as the main contrast and then light blue in the center of the patterns. Let's not go for overkill. So I opted instead to use red in the border.~

I didn't know if it would work until I was done. And I think it worked perfectly. Just what I wanted and imagined.~

The reason I mention this is because I'm not sure I won't change out the borders on this new sweater also. If I follow the pattern, they should be chestnut background with cream making the X and O pattern. I might opt to use the orange. It depends. I certainly don't want orange to overwhelm because it's not a color I wear often. I want the sweater to be thought of as mainly red. The touches of orange bring out the brick undertone of the red and then the chestnut brown grounds the whole scheme into the earth tones. So this is all good. I want to keep that. But I'll see how I decide to do the border once I get there. I'll look at the overall design and choose the two colors that will bring the whole sweater together. I think the red did that in the rainbow-hued first sweater. We'll see what happens with the second one.~

Okay, economics. I'll be using a lot of stash this year. Not that I've ever had much. I have a lot of loose skeins here and there. Not a lot of any one particular color. But the point is that Mark is being furloughed for a week this month. Yes, he can collect unemployment for that week, but $300 doesn't even cover half of what he makes per week. After 30 years with a company, this news really bites. So I've signed up for overtime at my job to try and cover what we'll lose in his paycheck.~

The bad news is that this might not be the end of Mark's company cutting back. Some of the other divisions have cut salaries as much as 25%. That's something we definitely cannot afford. Course, it's not like we'll have a choice in the matter, but he's already had another job offer if this comes down the pike. He can make the same money doing something he really enjoys if the company comes along and tells him they're cutting his salary. So I've already told him that, if this comes to pass, he should "retire" from his job. Take his guaranteed pension, tell them to take their paycut and jam it, and go to work for this other guy. I'll pick up the rest of the benefits. I already cover our medical, so it's just adding dental and eye benefits. I can do that. I'll also look at what they offer for life insurance.~

But, before that happens, I have to see if we can refinance our mortgage while the salaries are good. Interest rates are at an all-time low and, regardless of the decline in house costs, we still have equity in our home. Even if we lost 20% of the value of our home (possibly upwards of 25%), we still have about $70K equity in the house. So I could refinance and get some bills paid down in preparation of what might happen in the future.~

In the meantime, I ordered Don Aslett's book like I said I was going to. That gives me a plan of action for this year. I still have fiber to spin and a few more sweaters to knit. Oh... remember I mentioned economics as the reason for using the Araucania? I'd already bought that yarn, so I can't add the $40 cost of that yarn. It was already in my stash. How much did I spend on new yarn to be able to knit my new red sweater? All of $16. Well.... okay, so I spoiled myself. Let's say $27 because I had it sent 3-day priority. And it's a good thing I did. I'd finished my last sleeve on the white and I'd cast on for the ribbing on the red. I was literally at the point of adding the first new color (orange) and wondering how I was going to make it through work without knitting to keep me occupied when the box arrived. Whew!!!! Talk about the nick of time for sanity.~

I'll have to plan my next sweater much better so I don't have to pay the extra for shipping. I still think I'm going to knit the Barcelona sweater (unless Dale releases their new olympic design for 2010... I've seen the pics and it's gorgeous!). I know this sounds like a terrible indulgence on my part, but there's more to the economics than initially believed. First is that I'd culled my sweater drawer and I have very few sweaters to wear. Second is that I prefer to invest in good sweaters. No cheap bargain basement that'll last a year and then they start to fall apart. So I'm going to pay a good $40-$60 for a sweater anyway. So why not purchase the yarn for the same price and knit my own? They'll certainly last many more years because they're good wool sweaters and, Lord knows, I'll wear them because I wouldn't knit something I don't love already. Lastly is that it keeps me sane at my job. People don't believe that I really and truly knit probably 35-38 hours per week at my job. I have very few interruptions and there's no way I could sit all day and do nothing. Knitting keeps me sane. It gives me something to look forward to when I arrive at the job in the morning. Without it, I'd dread the lost hours, thinking of everything I could be doing if I were anywhere else.~

I just regret that I can't frequent my local yarn stores for my yarn. I can't afford it. I wish I could. But when I can get my yarn for about $2.50 a skein at KnitPicks as opposed to $8-$10 per skein at an LYS, I have to save where I can.~

If anyone has other suggestions on how to be economical in these times without losing our knitting, I'd certainly love to hear about it.

WIP and lots of pics!

Let's start with pics. Two of them. This first pic is how far I've gotten since 1/6 when my yarn arrived. The pattern is from Dale of Norway and it's OL-92 Albertville. I imagine that's DoN shorthand for the Olympic design they created for the Winter Olympics in Albertville.

I bought this pattern at a closeout sale about 15 years ago when a local store was moving. (It was located in an arts center that decided one day to close up shop and simply told everyone they had to go. Nice, huh?) Anyway, everything on sale and I saw this pattern and instantly drooled.

It's kind of hard to see the progression of colors, but the main is white and the main contrast is a dark blue without being navy. I thought navy would look too much like black and I didn't want the contrast to be too stark. Anyway, within this pattern, the progression begins with yellow, to red to purple and finally the center band is a light heathered blue. The funny part is that I have another pic that's high contrast because of the flash on the camera, but then the white and dark blue look really weird.

See what I mean? Wouldn't even know it's the same sweater unless I told you... LOL!

~

This one, though, does show the progression of colors nicely. But the other pics are more accurate to the actual look.

~

Anyway, so that's new. Lord knows, it's only one third done.I'm actually ready to begin the matching pattern band to this that will cross the chest before I start the neck decreases, etc.

Then I have both sleeves to knit. Those should go quickly, which is why I began with the body of the sweater. I know it's fun to see the pattern come together much quicker on the sleeves, but I figure those should fly on the needles and the longest work is the body, so do that first.

Okay, on another front, I'm also trying to catalogue some of the spinning. I have a pic of what I've been doing with that. Way back in Oct or so, I'd bought a whole bunch of fiber from Crown Mountain Farms. Some of it became Christmas presents. But I had this one left over:

This one is called Born To Be Wild. Kind of everything and anything. No real rhyme or reason. Just a whole bunch of colors and very pretty. So I've been spinning up the singles and this is one of the bobbins. I took this pic right before I began to ply my first bobbin of it. I finished the bobbin this morning and skeined it on my niddy noddy just before I came into the office for this upload.

~

IOW, more pics to come for my next update.

~

I went back to work this week, so I have tons of time to knit. Well... once the kiddies get settled back into their apartments and classes begin, I should have tons of time to knit. The nice thing is that I got my living room back at home. While oldest daughter was home on the semester break, she kind of took over my living room and used that more as her bedroom, so I didn't have a lot of time to spin. I'm hoping to knit at work and spin after dinner at home.

~

Also, youngest daughter got her acceptance letter from Quinnipiac. She's WAY excited over that. So I'm already trying to think ahead towards next fall when both girls are living on campus and I have to add back all those chores I've been able to palm off on the girls... LOL! I'll have all summer to work out some kind of schedule, but I think if I come home, cook dinner and take maybe a half hour to dust one night, vacuum another, etc, then nothing should become overwhelmingly full of yuck and I can still have time to knit and spin. Course, I have MONTHS to work out the small details.

~

I might have to buy another copy of Don Aslett's Is There Life After Housework? I think that's the book I'd used years ago when the girls were small. He literally gives you a plan on how to stay ahead of your house so you never even need stuff like spring and fall housecleaning. I'd created charts so I had about 5 or 6 things every day that took about 5-10 mins and my house was always "company ready". It was things like pick up and put away, wash dishes, go through the mail so it doesn't stack and do the 2-min swish 'n' swipe on the sink and toilet. Those were daily items. Then there were weekly things like Tues and Fri were vacuuming days. Mon and Thur were laundry. Wed was wash the floor day. A quick mop every week and it never gets grimy, you know? Then there were monthly chores. Say the 3rd of every month, you'd sweep the front and back steps. Some chores took longer, maybe 15-30 mins and others were 2 mins tops. There were also some quarterly things like hose down the sidewalk or hose down your screens.

~

Seriously, it was great. And because the monthly were never more than 15-20 chores, you had the end of the month without anything extra. I did this routine for several years and my house always looked great.

~

Then I went to work... Yikes! And the girls became teens... Bigger Yikes!!!! But now they'll be leaving us during the school year, so it's time to get back to my schedule.

~

Anyway... this is all my meandering and blathering.

~

See Maggie? Pics and the sweater is coming along beautifully. I'm really pleased with this. My next one will be another Dale of Norway... er, maybe. There is someone on Ravelry who's made it. It's called Barcelona and there's a picture of it. I'm either going to knit that, also in KnitPicks Telemark yarn. Or I'd like to knit the Windows pattern from the Philosopher's Wool book, Fair Isle Sweaters Simplified. I bought the book when I bought their kit last year. I'd love to buy more of their yarn, but I can knit the sweater in Knitpick's Wool of the Andes for about half the price. And with so many bills hanging over our heads this year (gee... can everyone sympathize with that one? /g/), I need to save where I can. They don't give exact totals in terms of how many yardages of yarn you'll need, but I think I can make a good guesstimate on it since I've already knit two of their sweaters.

~

Besides, I always buy extra. I have at least one extra skein of each color for my DoN. If I have enough left over, think a pair of mittens to match. Or a scarf. Or a hat. Or maybe all of the above... LOL! It's not like yarn will ever go to waste in my house... /wry g/
~

Yes, I'm adding those weird characters in between my paragraphs again. The pics will break up the text, but without a pic to do so, the paragraphs just run on and on. One big long sentence. So without that little squiggly, it's like the programming doesn't recognize that I'd really like a blank line between my paragraphs.

~

Let's see... any other news? The Xanax is a wonderful thing. There were a couple days that I needed to take half a pill in the morning and then again at night, but mostly I find one a day keeps the panic at bay. The funny part is that I also recognized that this has been happening since last summer. I think a culmination of lots and lots of things, from losing my Dad two years ago and never really getting over it right up to the accident and the hysterectomy being two short weeks apart. Course, it didn't help that I got the quarterly statement for my 401k and I lost almost $2,000, let alone everything I'd added to it this past quarter. If that won't scare the heck out of you... /wry g/ So, like I said, 2008 was a real pisser.

~

2009 might not be any better, but I'm doing everything I can to make it so. Every day when I wake up, I make up my mind that it's up to me to choose my attitude. I can smile and look forward to what today will bring or I can frown and wait for doom and gloom to drop all over me. This year, my goal is to choose a bright and happy face every morning. Smile at both the people I know and those I don't because they might surprise me and smile back.

~

The news is always so depressing (though, c'mon, folks, the flight crew on that plane that landed in the Hudson River was great!!!!), so my goal is to fight that kind of negative attitude. People who bring cheer to others receive cheer in return. How about we all make a vow to be a little more cheery? Smile more. Laugh more. If I can bring happiness to those around me, I betcha what little I have left in my 401k that some of that happiness will rub back on me.

~

Let's get organized. Let's choose to be happy instead of sad and depressed. Let's bring some of that happiness to those who really need it because, no matter how bad things might look from where I'm standing, I still realize that there are others who are far worse off than me. Let me try to bring some happiness to them. And, most of all, let's get knitting and spinning!

~

I'm certainly happy to see 2008 leave. But I definitely look forward to what 2009 will bring!

New Year, New Dreams, New Goals!

Thank you, LDVenus, for both the warning and the words of encouragement. And I really appreciate the warning. My second job is working for a private practice psychiatrist. I do all of her computer work--insurance and patient billings, letters, appeals, all that sort of stuff. She's away on vacation right now and I plan to ask her when she comes back if the Xanax is a bad thing. Part of her practice deals with addiction to drugs, so this is not foreign to her at all. Trust me, I would never go that route.

The good news for me is that I visited a friend. She's probably my best friend in the world and we discussed my situation. She's also like the two of us in that she also had a hysterectomy, but she got through the next six months without any hormone help. She, like you, assured me that my anxiety is simply "life in general" right now.

All my life I've been a strong, independent woman. Everyone around me looks to me for strength and assurance when they feel overwhelmed. I'm a doer. I make things happen. I don't wait for solutions to crop up. I make them happen. Well, for the first time, I'm a bit overwhelmed myself. I'm not sure what to do next. Never been a problem before. I could always devise a solution and then, like I said, make it happen. Right now, I'm not sure which direction to take.

As she said to me, that's not a failing on my part. It's simply that I'm vulnerable right now. And that's okay. It's okay to admit it. And it's okay to feel it also.

No, the medication can never be used as a replacement or a crutch. I don't "do" crutches. It's not in my nature. But, for a short time period, if it helps me deal with my vulnerability, then that's okay also. Yes, I'll talk to the doctor. As a patient or an employee, it doesn't matter, but I'll talk with her next week and we'll work out the best course for me.

Actually, I admitted to her already that it was her notes on a patient that made me cut the medication in half. She has a number of patients that she sees for (I think the technical DSM reference) is "generalized anxiety", so she often prescribes Xanax. She'll prescribe the dosage that I cut mine down to rather than a full mg. And I was worried that taking what the dentist had prescribed would be too much and put me to sleep. I didn't want that. I just wanted enough to "take the edge off", as stated in my last post. It worked. Course, the patients at the office take this dosage sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. (I admit that I did forget how often their dosing regimen was, but I do know it was 3 or 4.) I just wanted once a day. So I was comfortable with that.

Thank you again for your kind words. Trust me, addiction is not an option. There have been drug problems in my family history as well as a long line of alcoholics, which is the reason I don't drink. I might tipple once or twice a year, such as my homecooked egg nog (the cooked kind, not the raw mix) which had 1/2 cup of amaretto added to the 6 cups of egg nog. Yum, Yum! From The Joy of Cooking. I made their cooked egg nog and added about 3 drops of vanilla and 1/2 cup of amaretto and I've been sipping over the days. This recipe is definitely going to be added to my Christmas menu on a permanent basis! LOL!

But the point is, I know my family history and I won't go there. In fact, I was going to delete that post entirely except a response did show up and I wanted to address it. Leave my "bumps and bruises" out on the internet for anyone to read. I can admit that I'm having a hard time right now. But I also wanted to assure anyone reading that I know the dangers of addiction and that's not an option.

I'm ready for my annual winter hibernation. Leave the rest of the world at the door. Watch everyone else endure the -10 wind chill temps we have today. Admit to my girls that I need a bit of help right now. Lean on the hubby a bit more and stop trying to solve everyone's problems single-handedly.

And in the meantime? I'm going to go order that yarn. I've been itching to start another colorwork sweater since I finished my brother's sweater last February and I haven't done it yet. Yup, I need a sweater to give my attention to and that will definitely help. In fact, I might break down and order yarn for two sweaters. Spending money is never a way to solve a problem, but the promise of two beautiful colorwork sweaters that I've been drooling over for almost two years will help. I may not be able to solve all the issues on my plate right now, but knitting those two sweaters will give me a tremendous boost of confidence and a sense of accomplishment that's sorely needed right now.

Happy New Year to everyone!

MIA and Instant Menopause

I put up a pic. That's the one of Pancake, our tiny, itty bitty sugar glider. And the reason I haven't been around in like... oh, forever is we lost her. All of a sudden one night, she was seriously and, it turns out, gravely ill. We did everything we could through the night (including a jaunt through about half the state to find an eye dropper on a Sunday night at midnight) and then finally got her to a vet in Connecticut who dealt with sugar gliders. They did the best they could, but she was simply too tiny. She should have been about four or five months old by this point and she only weighed 22 grams. To people like me who haven't a clue how to convert to metrics, take 22 paper clips and hold them in your palm. That's how tiny she was. Luckily, Shelby thought to bring Waffle along for the ride as Waffle was easily twice the size of Pancake and the vet determined that Pancake had some kind of congenital problem. If she'd been left at the breeding warehouse or, God forbid, in the wild, she wouldn't have survived long enough to be adopted. Her mom would have thrown her out of the family.

In essence, the vet assured us that we did better than good. We gave Pancake more time than she would have received anywhere else.

Didn't help, though. We still mourn her. She was definitely sweet in temperament and a charming little girl. Waffle? I still think Waffle barks for Pancake at night. Maybe by now, it's become a habit, but she was definitely confused for a few days.

Other bad news? How about a $7000 loan to fix my teeth? I did find a dentist who works with my fear of the dentist. He's doing a terrific job. And he's assured me that I'll be set, with a bit of care, for the next 20 years. And, yes, insurance is involved and that's all above and beyond the $7K that I have to pay out of pocket. But the work is in progress and Xanax is a beautiful thing... LOL!

Last bad announcement (as though this year hasn't been chock full of them as it is) is... er, remember my daughter's accident way back in April? She was cleared by the police of ANY liability in that accident since the other idiot driver tried to turn left in front of Shelby with only about 50 ft. of road between them. Anyway, a passenger from the other driver's car has a lawyer. They've sent a demand notice to my insurance company for $300,000. That just so happens to be the maximum limit of my policy coverage. I guess it would be way too much effort to actually work and get money from the person who's to blame for the accident. So they want to sue us instead.

No, I haven't told my husband about this one. I'm still waiting to hear back from a lawyer friend of mine on how to proceed. I'm just reporting the facts here. The reason I'm not telling my husband is because he landed in the hospital for three days. We won't go into that one except to say that he's got some respiratory problems that he's dealing with and he doesn't need the additional stress this knowledge would cause. We're not being sued personally... at least yet. Until then, I'm hoping we can simply make this go away somehow. I've informed my insurance company that I refuse to settle. I know this girl was seriously injured, but my daughter was not to blame for the accident, so she'll have to pay her medical bills by suing the party who was responsible.

So, to recap this year:
--My daugher was involved in a serious car accident where two kids in the other car were critically injured.
--I had a hyterectomy. Not elective surgery, but necessary nonetheless. Instant menopause. Oh boy... that's been fun.
--My poor beagle/bassett mix, Copper, died due to congestive heart failure.
--We adopted two sugar gliders, Pancake and Waffle, and then lost Pancake to some kind of congenital defect that no one could have foreseen.
--Mark spent three days in the hospital for what the doctors were sure had to be something heart related only to find out it was a pulmonary problem. We're still waiting for final determination and full treatment.
--We're being sued for the accident.

I stopped at the cemetary two weeks ago. It was time to take the winter pillow and clean up the site. Can't let my father, grandparents or great-grandparents start looking untidy or neglected. But I also had a chat with Dad while I was there. I realize that it's been a year and a half and I definitely felt his presence up until about a year ago. I also know that it had clearly been 40+ years since he'd had time with his dear Mom and his Dad. So he had this past year to catch up on news with them. I'm also sure it was a surprise for him to find his little sister, Patsy, up in heaven. So I'm sure they had some catching up to do. But I reminded him that it was time to come back and be the guardian angel for our family. We need his strength and his ever watchful eye for all those bad things that have been happening.

I apologize to the rest of America because I certainly didn't ask him to clear up the economy. I try to be civic-minded and remember my neighbors and do good work for my community, but there's no way I'm going to ask Dad to stretch his guardian wings over people he never even knew. Just us. Just his immediate family, thank you.

Besides, I'm so proud of Mom. In ten months, she's lost 50 lbs. If Dad didn't come back soon, he won't recognize her when she gets to heaven. He's got to stick close to help her achieve her goal and to keep checking in to see how she's changing in appearance.

The good recap for 2008? After all, you never get bad without good. Shelby and Dee are doing wonderfully. Shelby took Organic Chemistry, the bane of just about every science major out there, and managed to pull off a B+. Absolutely amazing! Dee is doing wonderful in her classes and she's received acceptance letters as well as scholarship offers from every single school she applied to with the exception of Quinnipiac, her top school. Not that they haven't accepted her or offered some kind of scholarship. She just hasn't heard from them yet. She checks the mail every day and our collective fingers are crossed. She wants to major in psychology and I hope she gets everything she wants. Shelby is a tough act to follow, but I've always believed in my heart that Dee, in her own way, is just as brilliant and can achieve just as many amazing things with her life. The toughest person to convince of that is her. It's almost impossible when she feels like she lives in Shelby's shadow. I've never believed she did. She's her own person and she'll make her own way. Now, for the first time, I think she's honestly believing it herself and I'm proud of her.

Second good thing is I adopted a new spinning wheel. It kind of came to me under an omen that I was supposed to purchase her. A few years back, I had a credit card to Bonton. Then Macy's bought out Bonton and I was sent a new credit card with their name. Well, to be honest, I just cut it up and forgot about it. Then, this year, I received a letter in the mail to cut up the Macy's card and was given a CitiBank card to use instead.

Well, at the time, I was already looking into getting a castle-style wheel with higher ratios and a blessed double treadle. The last yarn I plied on my little Prelude? I thought my leg was going to fall off because I simply couldn't treadle fast enough to get the job done quickly. That's when I started looking.

And, bingo!, a new credit card shows up. I'd already had a bit over $100 saved towards the purchase of a new wheel. So I sat on it. And I thought about it. I talked it over with Mom who told me to go for it. And I thought some more. Then I broke down and ordered it. I'm still saving money and anything I save goes toward that bill, but now I have a double treadle Minstrel with faster ratios and can be set up with Scotch tension.

I was torn between the Minstrel and the Sonata, which is the travelling wheel. But the Minstrel has more ratios available and I can set it for either double drive or Scotch tension. Having learned on the Prelude, I like the versatility of the Scotch tension. It operates separately from the drive band. I like that. Call me crazy, but it works.

And I've been spinning up a storm. On the little Prelude, it would take me a week to spin up 4 oz of fiber. If I spin more tomorrow, I'll have 4+ oz spun into singles and I literally began this new fiber just yesterday. Even better is the smaller flywheel allows me to ply my singles in a couple hours instead of taking the whole day.

I'm SO beyond enjoying my new Minstrel. And now that I have an "extra" wheel. (Geez.... I couldn't even imagine spinning, let alone owning two wheels. Can you believe it? LOL) I'm teaching Mom to spin. Since it's all her fault that I started with the Prelude (and if you look back, she technically owns it since she bought it for me for Christmas two year ago), I figure it's only fair that I share my love of spinning with her.

So that kind of leads me to a whole new and, hopefully, a much more fun topic...

WISHES and HOPES for 2009:
I hate calling them resolutions because they're more like ideas of things that I hope to accomplish. Things I'd like to do if life would get out of the way. Things I pray and wish I have the time to do. This past year I wanted to make my two Nordic designs and another colorway sweater besides. I didn't get them done. I wanted to work on two lace shawls as future wedding shawls for my daughters. I have yet to complete my Pi Are Squared EZ shawl.... er, oops. So, that said, I have my wishlist on KnitPicks for the first of the colorwork sweaters. All I need to do is click the "buy" and "complete order" button. Whether it's tonight or tomorrow, I'm doing to order that yarn and make my sweater. That will be the first of, hopefully, many.

When I ordered my wheel, Copper Moose had a good deal on 3 lbs of BFL in natural creamy off-white. It's beautiful fiber and will spin like butter. I'm hoping to turn that into skein after skein of gorgeous creamy 2-ply yarn. From that, I have a book on Fair Isle and Aran Designs. I want to put together my own Aran design and knit that sweater.

Oh, I did knit my Barbara Walker top-down raglan. I had enough of an autumn variegated colorway from that bin that I picked up last spring. It's not perfect, but it's really nice. And it surely came in handy during the snowstorm. Mother Winter dropped about 10-12" of snow on us last week and I slid that sweater over my head and stayed nice and warm while shoveling and snowblowing (Mark swears I broke the snowblower, but I'm kinda skeptical on that one). It was wonderful. I was toasty and warm and spent about two hours outside in driving winds and playing with the dog before I was done.

I'd like to knit some more top down sweaters. I just love the whole concept of knitting a sweater in just about one piece. Gee... can I consider it one piece if I spit-spliced all the ends? LOL! I just love her concept of why knit all these various pieces and then basically sew them together? If you want to sew it, then carve it out of material and sew all you want. If you're knitting, though, why not keep it all in one piece? After all, the beauty of knitting is the way the end fabric drapes and moves with the body. So why cut it into pieces and add seams that will inhibit the whole drape effect?

Okay, two last things and then I'll end yet another tome. The first is another plan. Mom bought me a binder. I can get those sleeves for pages and make almost a scrapbook of what I'm doing. Especially when it comes to using handspun fiber, I can take pictures of the fiber and keep a tiny piece. I can take a foot of the final yarn that I'm using. I can take a copy of the pattern and another picture of the final product and incorporate all of that into a sleeve. Date the top of the pattern with when I began the work and when I completed the project. A complete notebook/scrapbook of what I do in 2009. I like that idea.

I've kept a notebook with notes and adjustments. Listing the yarn, but not including actual pieces. And, let's face it, it's nice to know that I knit the Pembrokeshire Pathways socks in Koigu whatever # they call it, but isn't it a better reference to keep the actual ballband and a piece of yarn to go with the pictures? Yes, I think this is a great idea.

Now, I have a question. I think there are about 6 people who read my blog. I never get comments, so it's hard to tell if I even have 6. But I have a question for the ladies out there who might be able to offer solace/advice/encouragement for someone who's now charting that broad unknown territory called menopause. I'm 48. Younger than some, but not so far out of range that it's not unusual. What's unusual is that I was put under anesthetic with female parts and hormones and I woke up 3.5 hours later without either.

That was the easy part. The doctor prescribed an estrogen patch to get me over the rough times I was certainly going to face. Not the hormone cocktail, but straight estrogen that doesn't have the cancer scares of the cocktail. Well, I had the flu just after Thanksgiving and forgot to change my patch. By the time I remembered, it was 10 days later. Now, to be honest, I hadn't been feeling the best for a couple months. And I wondered if maybe my body really didn't want to go this route. So I stopped the patch about a month ago.

I can't say I get hot flashes because I don't get the red face and sweat dripping down my skull and the back of my neck. I don't wake up in a pool with night sweats. I do get periods when I'm warm, but totally manageable.

So what's the question? The one thing I do seem to get are almost anxiety attacks. I'll be going along in my day and all of a sudden my heart starts racing and I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I've had allergy attacks in the past where the heart is racing, the blood pressure is up through the roof, tightness in the chest. But these are different. I'm not having trouble breathing, but my chest feels tight nonetheless. Another taut rubber band between my shoulder blades. If I don't catch it early, I'll literally pace the floor. And I feel like I either want to throw up or cry until my heart breaks out through my chest (you know the scenes from the Alien movies, right? LOL).

Luckily, to help with my anxiety with the dentist, he gave me a prescription for Xanax, an anti-anxiety drug. He prescribed 1 mg as needed, but I break them in half to "take the edge off". And, additionally lucky, I have 40 pills which means I have 80 doses. Now, I'm not about to abuse these suckers. When I feel the panic start to come, I take half a pill and I'm fine.

Is there anyone else who's had this happen? In the past month, before I started using my "dentist" pills to help offset this, the episodes were bad enough that I landed in the ER three times. (Oh, wow, while typing, I'm now having one of those short, tropical warm waves. Never enough to actually sweat, but enough to notice that a wave of warmth is washing down over me. Yeah, I know, shut up and consider yourself lucky, stupid! /g/) Anyway, the point is that I'm using the Xanax to offset those episodes when they start. As soon as I start to feel a little restless and "antsy", for lack of better words, I get my bottle and take half a pill.

So, my usual short story made long, this isn't something I've read about when I look up menopause. Am I weird? Am I the only one who's got this offshoot reaction to a total lack of hormones?

This is one time where I could use either some comments or some emails.

Now, last note, I feel bad that I can't list a whole ton of great things about why I've loved this year. So far, it's been a real pisser. But I do pray and hope that next years' recap will be the opposite. The conservative part of me says to wait and see. The ever hopeful part of me can't wait to find out.

So, for 2008, I hope we've finally reached the bottom of this damn barrel. The last couple of years haven't been easy. But I'm still here. I'm still hopeful. I still have dreams that things turn around and get easier. Financially, it's not easy, but we're lucky in that both Mark and I still have jobs. His employer downsized 20% of their workforce and Mark wasn't part of it. I feel sorry for those who found themselves without a job (Merry Friggin' Christmas, folks /sigh/) and my employer has instituted a hiring freeze until they can determine what will happen with tuitions, enrollment and the effect of the stock market on their endowments. Because of the accident, I now have a truck payment I wasn't prepared for. Insurance has increased because of the added insurance on a new car as well as Dee now being on our policy and, let's face it, accidents, regardless of fault, always increase your policies. So that's a huge chunk of change we now have that we didn't have a year ago. The payments on my dental work hurt, but you do what you've got to do. If I don't do the work, I could end up paying double because several teeth are in the processing of cracking. And, of course, the economy in general is in the tank.

But we can pay our bills. There isn't much left over and Christmas was slim. But we have our health and our family is strong. I love my husband and my girls and everyone else in my family. Our bonds are stronger than ever. I continue to knit and spin for sanity (and use Xanax very judiciously when stress overwhelms).

My hopes for next year? More sweaters. Finish my shawl and start another. Have lots to show at the Durham Fair in September. And I'm definitely going to attend the CT Sheep & Wool show in April. Golding is planning on being there and I'd love to sit at one of his wheels if one is available and I'd like to purchase one of his drop spindles. I certainly can't afford a Golding wheel, but wouldn't it be sweet to own a spindle? Just to be able to say I own a Golding. Maybe design a crazy pair of leg warmers.

I love to wear exercise pants. But I have that space between the top of my socks and the end of my stretch pants. Leg warmers fill that gap. I made a big chunky pair yesterday and my feet are toasty warm. Yup, I've missed that old 80's fashion and I'm going to do my best to reintroduce it to the younger girls at the college. Boots aren't an option on a lot of days because I kick off my shoes when I spin, so I wear clogs almost exclusively. Hence, cold feet while spinning. But today I wore leg warmers and never once did my feet get cold.

2009 is definitely a great year to reintroduce leg warmers... /wry g/

I hope your Christmas was everything you wanted it to be. Mine was wonderful. A warm house, good food and great company is always welcome. Let's hope 2009 will be equally wonderful for each and every one of us!